Just So You Know, I Miss You.

i'm a very homely person. i don't like showing out affections to people i love just so because i'm shy to do it. sometimes, i wish i had a little bit of everyone's courage. okay, so i'm odd. i enjoy playing candles with my little cousins and everytime a family gathering occurs, one thing that never fails to pop in my mind; "wow..i really love how all these things are happening, as silly as i would sound, i know i love being around my family people, a lot". i tell myself that, everytime. i like being around my little cousins although they wouldn't understand half the things i tell them, but it's always nice getting them around me to ask me questions that i sometimes couldn't answer as well. trust me, they look really cute when they get inquisitive. :)

i miss my grandfather, again. i wondered if he knew how well his family is doing, i wondered if he knew how much i miss him.

i miss seeing him on his favourite rattan chair, watching his daily soap operas.
i miss seeing him walking around his house, sometimes smiling to me when our eyes meet.
i miss hearing him laugh at my little cousins.
i miss seeing him eating with his bowls and chopsticks.
i miss seeing him in his favourite batik shirt.
i miss seeing him smoke, although smoking was never the right thing to do.
i miss seeing him reading the daily chinese newspaper.
i miss talking to him, although we don't have much conversations i'd still like to let him know i loved every minute talking to him.
i miss seeing him taking care of his garden.
i miss everything that was about him.

i wasn't beside him when he was on his death bed, i missed his last breath.

and as i'm typing this away, i'm trying not to wet the keyboard.

i love you grandfather, for as long as i live, you already had a special place in my heart, just for you. you.

ps: i don't know why am i writing this post, i just thought i had to. it is an emotional post for me.

till then,
cheerio mates!
(i am emotional myself right now, but i'd still like to let the rest of you to know that i want you all happy :])